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26
Jun 2012

Ask Blondie – ‘I’m a male pole dancer’

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Hey Blondie,

Here’s one you probably don’t hear everyday;

Let’s start with the ordinary, mid 20s guy and like many, struggling with dating at the moment.

Here’s where it gets interesting: I do ok with meeting women, much the same as everyone else, but as soon as I tell people that I’m a male pole dancer, instantly I’m friend zoned.

It seems the stereotype of all male pole dancers are gay is alive and well, it’s something I’m pretty used to, especially with people who don’t know me well.

So my question is this, how do I avoid the stereotype? It’s not something that I care to hide, my friends all know, but how do you broach that with someone new without it changing their opinion of you?

Approaches I’ve tried are:

I do gymnastics (I do but I dislike hiding parts of my life like this)

I do Chinese pole (again, partly true, most of my tricks are inspired by Chinese pole)

I do dance (I don’t)

Saying nothing (trying to hide one of your passions sucks)

 Over to you Blondie 

L.

Hi Luke,

Firstly, let me ask – are you free July 21st for a friend’s Hens Night I’m planning and how do you feel about nudity?

Ok now the awkward bit is over.

I’m not sure if ‘you’re gay’ is the first thing that comes to mind when you say you’re a male pole dancer, but can understand the dilemma faced when telling a potential gf this is what you do.

Mostly I think you need to own it. If you’re a straight pole dancer who doesn’t plan on giving it up any time soon, then you need to tell them why you love it. The calve strengthening muscles, the gyrating against a pole, whatever it is, sell why you love it.

Passion is sexy, regardless of what it is. If you see someone beaming about a hobby they do, you can’t help but beam back and be happy for them. It’s not often we find stuff that truly makes us happy.

If the girls have a problem with it are they really the type of people you then want to date?

Better yet, date someone who also enjoys pole dancing; surely they’d have no prejudice.

 

Good luck!

About Blondie

has written 324 posts in this blog.

Blondie is the creator of BlondeInk and over shares relationship ups and downs, reviews places in Canberra and delves into beauty and fashion.

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Categories: Ask Blondie, Dating, Honesty
  • Honest Male – you need one!

    Luke a few helpful hints if I can. Luckily I am not your friend, so am more than happy to tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear. I think blondie’s response is a swing and miss, except for the “date someone who enjoys pole dancing” comment – do female pole dancers want to date you? if not….. you got some problems. maybe take her up on the hens party offer and she can at least tell you if they friend zone you because you seem gay, or just if you seem like a tool. refer to some possible reasons below.

    1. Do not tell people “I do Chinese pole” that just sounds like you are saying you have sex with Chinese dudes. come on dude – no one knows what Chinese pole is!!!

    2. I am a straight male, and I wouldn’t date a female pole dancer. Do I think she is a lesbian if she is a pole dancer? NO! I just don’t want to date her. maybe I automatically assume she is a skank, maybe I look at the hollywood stereotype of a trailer trash mum supporting 2 kids while working the streets and dancing on a rotating pole….. who knows, the important thing is I just don’t see myself dating her.

    3. Maybe the girls think being a pole dancer is a cop out in life, so are you sure they are friend zoning you because they think you are gay? or are they friend zoning you because they think you are a failure in life? let’s be clear, if I was working checkouts in my mid 20′s I may not be getting girls either.

    4. they liken you to a sleazy male stripper who occasionally wears a bear suit and puts his videos on the internet.

    5. maybe you are gay and don’t know it…… they are getting a vibe about you is all.

    So what should you do? this comes back to how much you earn, if you earn enough coin while waxing that pole (not sure if that is the lingo) most superficial chicks won’t mind. If not…. maybe change careers?

    You aren’t going to be sliding on a pole in your 50′s so what is your retirement plan? what interests you other than chaffing your thighs on a pole? Most girls mid 20′s have already started thinking about that – they look at husband and father material, not “looks good in a bear suit” material.

    I guess you could target 18 year olds while they are care free – but that will get creepy soon…. in fact…… already creepy, disregard that!

    I would like to say get a real job, however, I don’t want to offend you, so I will say lie. seriously, if you date a girl, tell her you work in IT, girls won’t ask more questions than that. if you like her and she likes you, tell her the truth. she may leave or she may not. once you bang her though, she will know you aren’t gay. which means if she leaves….. prob more to do with  ”you are not husband / father material” in which case refer to the part where I told you to get a real job.

    Do you pole dance 9-5 prob not, so maybe you could do it as a side gig, a hobby, and actually work a full time job. chicks dig guys that are employed full time with solid income potential, career aspirations, and the ability to support a family.

    Seriously though….. if this is just your side job / 2nd job / something you do for a hobby….. DON’T OPEN WITH THAT!!!! tell the girls what you actually do!

    Lastly if this is a troll, hats off to you, although adding in a side story about a missing testicle making your voice FABULOUS would have added to the effect.

  • Anon

    Don’t agree with Honest Male’s point 1. I know what Chinese pole is. And the blokes who do it, and gymnasts, are generally revered as strong mofos. Straight/gay irrespective.
    Don’t agree with many of Honest Male’s other points either, but will leave it there.

  • Anon

    Dude, harsh much? I’m sensing someone has their own insecurity issues going off luck that.

  • littlej

    Haha – this is (for the most part) great! Whilst Honest Male does come off as particularly harsh, a number of things he’s said are things to be taken on board. Of course we’re not sure what Luke’s situation is – whether it is a hobby of his, or if this is actually what he does all day every day of the week! But we do know that he’s after a new approach, and a second opinion…

    For starters – I may be lacking in culture exposure for all I know, but I had no idea exactly what Chinese pole was. But could have taken a guess it had something to do with pole dancing.

    2… If you’re a pole dancer *warning stereotype ahead* you probably have an amazing body, and an equally gorgeous face. So initially, most girls would be MORE than happy to go on a date with you. But finding out you’re a pole dancer further turns you into that stereotype that’s been mentioned previously. However you like to put it, the most respectable girls I know don’t want douchebags as husbands (or boyfriends for that matter). As a single girl in her mid-20s, I wouldn’t go out of my way to date a pole dancer. Close-minded? Maybe. But my first reaction is that you’re someone who enjoys getting his kit out, showing off and most of all – having more than good time. Nothing wrong with that, merely that I’d prefer this was kept to the bedroom rather than on stage infront of a hundred horny women.

    Which brings me to agreeing with Honest Male in the sense that the mid-20s females you’re chasing after are sick of dealing with those kinds of stereotypes, and want a man who can look after them (emotionally AND financially) and most importantly have a chance at being their future husband/partner. They’ve already dated the overly romantic, the rude and the ones that take them for granted…So why would they want to test the water again? If you can provide what these women want, not one of them will friend zone you (including me).

    Your question was “How do I avoid these stereotypes” – and BANG, I’ve already stereotyped you… But I didn’t for one minute think you were gay. Just overly confident… If you want a girl to date you seriously, there’s no need for that “real job”; if you love what you do and are able to live well of it then keep on doing it… What you need to do is develop a friendship first and build it from there. The girl interested in you won’t “friend zone” you because you’re gay, she’ll “friend zone” you because she knows that in order to have a relationship that works, you need to build on it first.

    Hope this helped!! J.

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